four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
