I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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