I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
