new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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