I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
