If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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