LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Why are your pants in the freezer?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
