it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
