I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
