i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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