It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
