dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
