can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
