I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
