We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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