Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
