Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
