hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
