i already hear my dad disowning me
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
