I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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