Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
