to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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