Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
