i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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