she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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