You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
