ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
