i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
