we have pet lesbian snakes
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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