i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
