i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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