i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
