theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
