im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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