I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
COCAINE IS GR8
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
