Only a mothe r could love this liver
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
