A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he puts the penis in happiness.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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