I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
