What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
