Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
