Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
All I want is dick and wine.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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