I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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