So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
