I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
fuck your aforementioned shoe
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
