I wish I only lived at night.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
