i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
