i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
