Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
