I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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