Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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