Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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