today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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