It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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