somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Randomize
