You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
