Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
